I'm hoping to post more often, but one of the changes I'm making is moving my blog over to Wordpress.. so check out my blog over there...
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Aggressive Faith Begins NOW!
5 days ago
Jan 12, 2011
Jan 1, 2011
I Hate This Feeling
This is the first post in a while. I wrote this, not because I care if people read it, but because I needed to. Does that make sense?
I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. This feeling that comes in and out like waves on the shore. It rushes in, overwhelming at times, then it pulls away as fast as it came in, but never actually going away... I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. What does it mean? When will it change? Sometimes change is good, and sometimes bad. I wonder what kind of change I want. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. This feeling that causes tears to well up in my eyes, even as it just crosses my mind. This feeling that, when I begin to think about dealing with it, causes those tears to flow, even as I write this now. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I'm finding it hard to believe. Do I really believe what I believe is what I believe? I know these truths, I really do believe them. I've told these truths to so many people. It's not really that I don't believe, it's just that I'm having a hard time getting these truths from my head to my heart. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I want to talk about it, but what do I say? How do I say it? I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I want to tell someone about it, but who do I tell? What do I day, "Hi, I'm your rock when your life is unstable, but now my life is unstable"? I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. When will it end? How will it end? Do I really want it to end? It has to end. I can't keep going on like this. I pray to God everyday to end it, this feeling, but it's still there. Never ending. But it needs to. I hate this feeling.
I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. This feeling that comes in and out like waves on the shore. It rushes in, overwhelming at times, then it pulls away as fast as it came in, but never actually going away... I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. What does it mean? When will it change? Sometimes change is good, and sometimes bad. I wonder what kind of change I want. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. This feeling that causes tears to well up in my eyes, even as it just crosses my mind. This feeling that, when I begin to think about dealing with it, causes those tears to flow, even as I write this now. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I'm finding it hard to believe. Do I really believe what I believe is what I believe? I know these truths, I really do believe them. I've told these truths to so many people. It's not really that I don't believe, it's just that I'm having a hard time getting these truths from my head to my heart. I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I want to talk about it, but what do I say? How do I say it? I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. I want to tell someone about it, but who do I tell? What do I day, "Hi, I'm your rock when your life is unstable, but now my life is unstable"? I hate this feeling I feel growing inside. When will it end? How will it end? Do I really want it to end? It has to end. I can't keep going on like this. I pray to God everyday to end it, this feeling, but it's still there. Never ending. But it needs to. I hate this feeling.
Jan 5, 2010
Time
Wow, it has been a long time since I've posted, but life has been busy, and I've been pushing off my postings... Well, maybe I'll do better, maybe I won't, I don't really know, but I've come back because I have a friend who posted something on his blog that I felt was worth sharing, so ladies and gentlemen, without further adieu, I give you Chris Hall:
It’s strange the way our mistakes can haunt us long after they’ve happened. Certainly, there are transgressions whose effects are naturally felt through the years, but then there are others that, while they seemed so small at the time, carry on much longer than you would have thought.
I never wanted to be someone who looked back and saw only mistakes – that’s no way to live – and I don’t think that’s how I view my life when looking back. Sure, I have my regrets but I don’t let them darken the sun in my skies. This week, though, I’ve been thinking back to one regret in particular. One time where I sincerely wish I’d turned left instead of right, spoken instead of being silent.
Some time ago I had a very dear friend. She was very sweet and very caring. Her compassion seemed limitless and she was a far better friend to me than I ever deserved. She held an optimism that seemed to keep the contemptible in me at bay and I was a better person for knowing her. The last time she called me I was sitting at my desk, the same one I’m writing at now. She said she wouldn’t be calling me anymore. She had to move on with her life. She had a different road to take and it was a road that went away from me.
I didn’t blame her. I knew what she was telling me was the truth. This was simply the way things were. Events I helped set in motion had reached their inevitable conclusion. Still, I felt cold after our brief conversation. I felt naked to the wind and I knew that I had lost something good.
My regret, even still, is that I took her for granted. I took something that was deliberately bright and true in my life and threw it in the weeds of apathy. It was a loss of my own making and something I can never gain back. She did move on with her life and, from what I hear, is very happy. I’m glad to hear that. I’m glad that she’s happy . She deserves it more than most.
I hadn’t intended to write about her. I tried not to. I thought it was too personal, but it affects me now and I’m learning from it now and that is reason enough to share.
Some of the best advice my dad has ever given me is to get rid of the “what ifs” in my life. I’ve never been much of a risk taker but when I hear my dad’s voice telling me those words I know that what I can’t risk is my life on the mundane. True, risks involve pain and I’ve had plenty when those risks didn’t pay off. But that pain is nothing compared to the pain of “what if.”
So I’ve decided I want 2010 to be the year with no “what ifs.” That means a lot of risks, a lot of joy, a lot of pain. But isn’t that the way life should be lived? When 2011 rolls around and we’re one year closer to oblivion I better not be looking back at this year and asking “what if?”.
“What if I hadn’t taken a friend for granted?”
“What if I’d gone out and lived for other people?”
“What if I’d told you that I loved you?”
“What if I’d made that phone call?”
“What if, what if, what if...” The possibilities go on and on. The point is life is short. These years pass with alarming speed and the dead cannot seize a second chance. Live well because this year may be the last you can. Sometimes it takes a look back at the days we didn’t seize to give us reason to relish today.
When my end comes and my Maker asks me how I liked His gift I want to be able to say “It was a life well lived.”
I never wanted to be someone who looked back and saw only mistakes – that’s no way to live – and I don’t think that’s how I view my life when looking back. Sure, I have my regrets but I don’t let them darken the sun in my skies. This week, though, I’ve been thinking back to one regret in particular. One time where I sincerely wish I’d turned left instead of right, spoken instead of being silent.
Some time ago I had a very dear friend. She was very sweet and very caring. Her compassion seemed limitless and she was a far better friend to me than I ever deserved. She held an optimism that seemed to keep the contemptible in me at bay and I was a better person for knowing her. The last time she called me I was sitting at my desk, the same one I’m writing at now. She said she wouldn’t be calling me anymore. She had to move on with her life. She had a different road to take and it was a road that went away from me.
I didn’t blame her. I knew what she was telling me was the truth. This was simply the way things were. Events I helped set in motion had reached their inevitable conclusion. Still, I felt cold after our brief conversation. I felt naked to the wind and I knew that I had lost something good.
My regret, even still, is that I took her for granted. I took something that was deliberately bright and true in my life and threw it in the weeds of apathy. It was a loss of my own making and something I can never gain back. She did move on with her life and, from what I hear, is very happy. I’m glad to hear that. I’m glad that she’s happy . She deserves it more than most.
I hadn’t intended to write about her. I tried not to. I thought it was too personal, but it affects me now and I’m learning from it now and that is reason enough to share.
Some of the best advice my dad has ever given me is to get rid of the “what ifs” in my life. I’ve never been much of a risk taker but when I hear my dad’s voice telling me those words I know that what I can’t risk is my life on the mundane. True, risks involve pain and I’ve had plenty when those risks didn’t pay off. But that pain is nothing compared to the pain of “what if.”
So I’ve decided I want 2010 to be the year with no “what ifs.” That means a lot of risks, a lot of joy, a lot of pain. But isn’t that the way life should be lived? When 2011 rolls around and we’re one year closer to oblivion I better not be looking back at this year and asking “what if?”.
“What if I hadn’t taken a friend for granted?”
“What if I’d gone out and lived for other people?”
“What if I’d told you that I loved you?”
“What if I’d made that phone call?”
“What if, what if, what if...” The possibilities go on and on. The point is life is short. These years pass with alarming speed and the dead cannot seize a second chance. Live well because this year may be the last you can. Sometimes it takes a look back at the days we didn’t seize to give us reason to relish today.
When my end comes and my Maker asks me how I liked His gift I want to be able to say “It was a life well lived.”
You can find Chris at The Cynic's Alley
Sep 30, 2009
Money vs Passion
"It's not about the money we make
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster?"
~ "Time & Confusion" by Anberlin
I love these lines from this song, because that statement is so true. Life is not about our jobs and the money, and what we have and own, but yet, that is what we are taught so often. But look at this world, especially in our economy, those who are the most depressed are those who have built their happiness on their stuff, but those who have built their happiness on their faith, and their passions, and what they enjoy, they are the ones who, while things are hard, they still are happy, and un-worried/stressed. I have been talking with several people recently who are working jobs they HATE because their passions aren't in it, and I was wondering what would our world look like if everyone moved and worked with their passions? I understand that sometimes you have to work a job that isn't your passion because your passion doesn't pay enough for you live off of it, but if you can't make a living doing your passion, are you making sure that your job is allowing you to pursue your passion? I would challenge you to start living your life with a meaning that is not about the money we make, but one with the passions that we have.
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster?"
~ "Time & Confusion" by Anberlin
I love these lines from this song, because that statement is so true. Life is not about our jobs and the money, and what we have and own, but yet, that is what we are taught so often. But look at this world, especially in our economy, those who are the most depressed are those who have built their happiness on their stuff, but those who have built their happiness on their faith, and their passions, and what they enjoy, they are the ones who, while things are hard, they still are happy, and un-worried/stressed. I have been talking with several people recently who are working jobs they HATE because their passions aren't in it, and I was wondering what would our world look like if everyone moved and worked with their passions? I understand that sometimes you have to work a job that isn't your passion because your passion doesn't pay enough for you live off of it, but if you can't make a living doing your passion, are you making sure that your job is allowing you to pursue your passion? I would challenge you to start living your life with a meaning that is not about the money we make, but one with the passions that we have.
Jun 24, 2009
Our Greatest Fear...
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?" Actually who are you to not be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~ Nelson Mandela
Thoughts?
~ Nelson Mandela
Thoughts?
Jun 10, 2009
This is the Correlation of Salvation and Love
“This is the correlation of salvation and love
Don't drop your arms
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in”
~ “The Unwinding Cable Car” by Anberlin
I have been listening to this song a lot, and the chorus here keeps getting stuck in my head, and I’m sitting here thinking about these lines, and wondering “what is the correlation of salvation and love in our lives?” You see, the word correlation (according to the Oxford-American dictionary) means “a mutual relationship or connection between 2 or more things”. So where does our love meet our salvation? How do those outside of our little church seats see it? Often I don’t think many of us really think about it. One of the things I absolutely love is the youth (Amplify Youth Group) at my church (Gap Community Church) this summer, because I see the correlation of salvation and love in their lives. (Now I get to brag how awesome they are for a minute…) They are going to be doing this thing called “The Servants Journey” and they are going to be doing a bunch of service project things in the community, and it is so cool to see them get fired up for this. We also have a group of kids who go into Lancaster city every week and work with the homeless. When they go, they don’t go and be like “hi, we’re from a church, and a youth group and this and that” they just are doing it anonymously, and to me, that shows that there are no hidden motives beneath them doing this. I am so honored to know kids who are that selfless and willing to serve…
Ok, enough bragging on the awesome kids… So what is our correlation, our meeting place, of our salvation and love? It can be something so simple as taking the time to talk to or hang out with someone. I think that selfless service is what it is all about. When Christ said to us that we should go and serve people in love. This is also I think what James meant when he said that Faith without works is dead. (James 2, like verse 26 or something like that) If we have salvation, but we don’t do anything with it, what good is it? We can love people, and do good things, but they don’t get us salvation, the two MUST meet somewhere. I think to long, the church has sat around and not served the people it is there for. There is a story (and I don’t know how true it is) about a city that was under siege, and those of the church sat in their building while the city was crumbling around them, discussing if the Virgin Mary had blue eyes or not. Even if the story isn’t true, the fact that the church has a reputation that would let people believe that the story might be true is so disgusting to me. I was reading a book for staff meeting at GCC, and there is a quote that goes along so well with this post: "We all seem to pretty contented with ourselves in church and that makes me sick. I think all this contentment makes Jesus nervous." ~ Robert Coles, Wittenburg Door. When people around us are fighting battles, we should be there, saying to them don’t drop your arms, don’t give up, I’ll help you, I’ll fight along side you… I want us to fight this image that people have of the passive church, and I know it feels like we are going to be fighting an impossible, uphill battle, but nothing worth doing is ever done without a fight of some sort…
“You're so brilliant
Don't soon forget
You're so brilliant
Grace marks your heart”
thoughts?
Don't drop your arms
Don't drop your arms, I'll guard your heart
With quiet words I'll lead you in”
~ “The Unwinding Cable Car” by Anberlin
I have been listening to this song a lot, and the chorus here keeps getting stuck in my head, and I’m sitting here thinking about these lines, and wondering “what is the correlation of salvation and love in our lives?” You see, the word correlation (according to the Oxford-American dictionary) means “a mutual relationship or connection between 2 or more things”. So where does our love meet our salvation? How do those outside of our little church seats see it? Often I don’t think many of us really think about it. One of the things I absolutely love is the youth (Amplify Youth Group) at my church (Gap Community Church) this summer, because I see the correlation of salvation and love in their lives. (Now I get to brag how awesome they are for a minute…) They are going to be doing this thing called “The Servants Journey” and they are going to be doing a bunch of service project things in the community, and it is so cool to see them get fired up for this. We also have a group of kids who go into Lancaster city every week and work with the homeless. When they go, they don’t go and be like “hi, we’re from a church, and a youth group and this and that” they just are doing it anonymously, and to me, that shows that there are no hidden motives beneath them doing this. I am so honored to know kids who are that selfless and willing to serve…
Ok, enough bragging on the awesome kids… So what is our correlation, our meeting place, of our salvation and love? It can be something so simple as taking the time to talk to or hang out with someone. I think that selfless service is what it is all about. When Christ said to us that we should go and serve people in love. This is also I think what James meant when he said that Faith without works is dead. (James 2, like verse 26 or something like that) If we have salvation, but we don’t do anything with it, what good is it? We can love people, and do good things, but they don’t get us salvation, the two MUST meet somewhere. I think to long, the church has sat around and not served the people it is there for. There is a story (and I don’t know how true it is) about a city that was under siege, and those of the church sat in their building while the city was crumbling around them, discussing if the Virgin Mary had blue eyes or not. Even if the story isn’t true, the fact that the church has a reputation that would let people believe that the story might be true is so disgusting to me. I was reading a book for staff meeting at GCC, and there is a quote that goes along so well with this post: "We all seem to pretty contented with ourselves in church and that makes me sick. I think all this contentment makes Jesus nervous." ~ Robert Coles, Wittenburg Door. When people around us are fighting battles, we should be there, saying to them don’t drop your arms, don’t give up, I’ll help you, I’ll fight along side you… I want us to fight this image that people have of the passive church, and I know it feels like we are going to be fighting an impossible, uphill battle, but nothing worth doing is ever done without a fight of some sort…
“You're so brilliant
Don't soon forget
You're so brilliant
Grace marks your heart”
thoughts?
May 22, 2009
Maybe God Can Be On Both Sides of the Gun
This is just my first draft (and short draft) of my sermon that was inspired by the line below...
“Maybe God can be on both sides of the gun,
Never understood why some of us never get it so good, so good”
~ “Say When” by The Fray
When I first heard this song, I was listening to the whole album in my truck, and I was going down the road, thinking, listening, but not really listening, you know what I’m talking about? But as I’m driving, I hear this line “maybe God can be on both sides of the gun” and I think “wait, what?” So I quick grabbed my iPod and rewound a bit, and listened to it again. I got to thinking about that line. What does it mean that maybe God can be on both sides of the gun? Does God pull the trigger? Does he get shot? Both? I had a problem with the thought of God pulling the trigger, because that would mean that God would intentionally harm us, or even kill us… But as I got thinking, I began to wonder if maybe what he means here is that God will be there, to comfort everyone, on both sides… Both the victim and the shooter… Right in the chorus it says “and my own two hands will comfort you tonight, say when, and my own two arms will carry you tonight, say when.” I think God is there, and says, to the victim, I will carry you myself, and then to the shooter he says, “I will comfort you in your time of trouble.” You see, we are so quick to say that God is there for those who are down and on the ground from the gun, but we often don’t acknowledge that God is there for the person who pulled the trigger as well… God cares for us all, so why would he leave the shooter out to rot for Satan, and not be there for him? Maybe, just maybe, we need to acknowledge that those who “gun us down” need God’s comfort just as much as we do. And I don’t mean in like “they need Jesus” arrogant, self-righteous way that we as Christians often do, but in a loving, caring way. Is this what Jesus meant when he said to love your enemy? So maybe next time you feel like someone has gunned you down, picture Jesus standing there with them, because they need his comfort just as much as you need him to carry you while you heal. Maybe God can be on both sides of the gun…
Thoughts?
“Maybe God can be on both sides of the gun,
Never understood why some of us never get it so good, so good”
~ “Say When” by The Fray
When I first heard this song, I was listening to the whole album in my truck, and I was going down the road, thinking, listening, but not really listening, you know what I’m talking about? But as I’m driving, I hear this line “maybe God can be on both sides of the gun” and I think “wait, what?” So I quick grabbed my iPod and rewound a bit, and listened to it again. I got to thinking about that line. What does it mean that maybe God can be on both sides of the gun? Does God pull the trigger? Does he get shot? Both? I had a problem with the thought of God pulling the trigger, because that would mean that God would intentionally harm us, or even kill us… But as I got thinking, I began to wonder if maybe what he means here is that God will be there, to comfort everyone, on both sides… Both the victim and the shooter… Right in the chorus it says “and my own two hands will comfort you tonight, say when, and my own two arms will carry you tonight, say when.” I think God is there, and says, to the victim, I will carry you myself, and then to the shooter he says, “I will comfort you in your time of trouble.” You see, we are so quick to say that God is there for those who are down and on the ground from the gun, but we often don’t acknowledge that God is there for the person who pulled the trigger as well… God cares for us all, so why would he leave the shooter out to rot for Satan, and not be there for him? Maybe, just maybe, we need to acknowledge that those who “gun us down” need God’s comfort just as much as we do. And I don’t mean in like “they need Jesus” arrogant, self-righteous way that we as Christians often do, but in a loving, caring way. Is this what Jesus meant when he said to love your enemy? So maybe next time you feel like someone has gunned you down, picture Jesus standing there with them, because they need his comfort just as much as you need him to carry you while you heal. Maybe God can be on both sides of the gun…
Thoughts?
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